


read my mind

by paragod (lowlay)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Inspired by Art, Poetry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:54:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29937867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lowlay/pseuds/paragod
Summary: a practice in trying to find my voice again. i don't know when i lost him, but i need him to come back home.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> all inspiration art by [@filthyratbag](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EwBk_JlWQAA4kva?format=jpg&name=900x900) on instagram

all these little blue men  
dancing around me,  
they see right through me.  
i try so desperately to be a mirror—  
reflect them, deflect me—  
but all i manage to become  
is a window. transparent, empty.  
null and void,  
my attempts to hide, to shield.  
i am not safe here,  
these little blue men seek  
to hurt me, to damage me.  
they peek under my pants,  
into my life.  
ugly, ugly, ugly are their hearts—  
but they still smile more than me.  
they find joy  
in my suffering.  
while i can't even  
find the energy to keep breathing.


	2. Chapter 2

i do not think,  
everything around me  
feels suffocating.  
my brain feels soft,  
wet and sloppy, a soggy mess.  
i am no longer my own person,  
i am defined by  
every little  
click clack of my keyboard.  
my online persona  
is no longer just a persona,  
it's who i am.  
i have no sense of identity  
outside of the  
world wide web—  
and yet, i still feel like an individual  
because i am suffocating  
under the weight of  
loneliness.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't usually write poetry this quickly but idk i like doing this (also linnhe i see your comments and idk how you found this but ily makeout with me)

i'm not paying any  
attention to  
whatever he's saying to me.  
it's not that important,  
it's not that funny,  
i don't care.  
he wants so badly  
to be needed,  
but i don't need him  
and he can't stand the idea.  
he's fabricated a version of me  
that doesn’t exist.  
in his head,  
i have hearts in my eyes,  
i hang on every word  
he says.  
but all i was looking for  
was something to fuck,  
no strings.


	4. Chapter 4

days pass like the tide,  
in and out,  
foamy water lapping at the beach.  
all my trauma  
is resurfacing these days  
and i still can't deal with it.  
i can't  
repress it  
but i'm not sure  
how to overcome it.  
flashbacks plague my mind.  
everyone always says,  
"it gets better, you just  
have to wait out the storm."  
but this storm  
is too violent and  
my house's foundation  
is crumbling beneath me.  
there's so many holes  
in my memory.  
things i should remember—  
a friend's birthday,  
the name of my favorite song—  
vanish, as if  
never there in the first place.  
time drips by like honey  
one second  
then like an avalanche the next.  
i'm holding on  
by my pinky toe,  
but i don't know why anymore.


End file.
